Self Image and Love

And we all thought I was done. lol. So some of my family members are starting to workout; walking the Ravine Gardens State Park,- google it is a state park in Florida, but any way that brought my mind to doing what I used to do which was workout a little in my room and loose a little/ tighten up my body. But I have a problem with sticking to the workout. One reason because of course its exercise I get tired of it, secondly I think I "had" an unknown hindrance, which I will explain. I think my hinder was within my self, I always struggled with my self esteem, for the longest in my life I never considered myself beautiful, smart, none of those encouraging words. So now when people say that it makes me feel good but it also makes me feel funny in some way. So fast forward to maybe 2009-2010. Those years where the most trying times in my life. Although I was in an okay place I wasnt happy, I wasnt JASMINE. I had what I will call a big moment in my life when a guy I had a crush on in high school, moved on in his life but me being in the mind state I was, I was unable to make myself move on. I can now say that I am over the situation but not completely healed sometimes it still hurts when I think back but I am okay with that chapter of my life. during those times I really learned who I was and I learned about myself. In the process of learning I began to love myself and be happy with myself and appreciate "me" for who I am. Once I came to that realization I totally changed and was just happier than I had ever been in my life. So that was a lot but let me relate that back to exercising. I think that my self image has a lot to do with why I have a hard time sticking with a exercise/diet regimen. Its weird that I would have that problem when one would be happy to change their visual image in a positive way. I think within my mind me having such a challenging time accepting my body now that I don't want anything to change. I have a hard time understanding why but it also makes since to me.

<3 Jay